A different Ramadan table.

As Ramadan approaches I can’t help but think about the previous Ramadans, spent in different places on the globe.

What benefit have I gained from it? What shouldn’t I have done? What should I have done instead? Self evaluation is pretty crucial to me. I try to learn from the past as much as I can.

Ramadan 2012 was the first month I’ve ever spent with a family other than my own (i.e. my family-in-law). It was a new experience for me; one that I had never thought about or even imagined in the past.

It is not like I’ve never had Iftar in other people’s houses, who weren’t family. I’ve contributed in organising collective Iftars for the fasting Muslim community back in university on many occasions, and shared the blessed time. Sometimes, I broke my fast in class or during the lectures’ breaks (hoovering up a few dates and water, or a quick sandwich) or at work (with Muslim colleagues). However, those were only a few days out of 30, not the whole month.

The other days involved me munching at a table, or on the floor, at home with at least one member of my family. Those moments were special. It was the time we all gathered to perform a ritual dedicated to God.

My role has usually been to bring the family together by preparing the food and setting up the eating place. As feeding a fasting person is considered to be very rewarding in the Islamic scripts, I took that responsibility as an act of worship more than an 'female duty'.  It was important for me to take care of my fasting family members. That mission required that I make a sensible budget and hit the market alone.
Choosing the necessary produce to avoid food-wasting, and picking ingredients with high nutrients to boost both the body’s immune and the capacity to fast the next day; were also part of the task. The kitchen, then, was my next destination.

Once home, the next worship assignment consisted of food preparation. It's always felt like I was in a lab, experimenting with ingredients, and waiting to get results and feedback of the judges later. Sometimes, it was a success, other times, a total disaster! But I learnt to always have plan B. So, phew..!

After prayer and Iftar, I’d clear up the table, stuff the food leftovers in storing boxes into the fridge and make tea!

We, then, all sit in the sitting/living room to enjoy some desserts while watching TV.

Last year’s experience didn’t include me getting involved in food making, house cleaning or the sweet making as I was used to doing with my family. Instead, I had to go to work during the day, take a couple of hours break to break my fast, and then go back to work again in the evening from 8 to 10:15.

Working that late at night was also a new experience for me.. One I wasn’t very fond of, but we can’t have it all, can we?

So, I learnt that spending Ramadan away from one’s family can be a challenging experience. Even when your hosts show kindness and generosity, one would still yearn to be with one’s own.

It is important to bear in mind that it was also the first time for my family-in-law to have a different Ramadan table. Before then, they had never had someone, other than their relatives, spend a whole month “Iftar-ing” with them. Those Ramadan-ic moments they comfortably shared in a private were unexpectedly invaded by the presence of a stranger -one whose background was not fully known to them .. (me lol) 

They weren't very sure whether to act naturally, or display high levels of social etiquette. They tried both I assume. The first was in order to break the ice and enjoy Ramadan family time. The second was in order to leave good impressions through complying to the social consensus back home dictated - probably due to concerns of getting misjudged by the 'stranger'.

It wasn’t just that. Adding to the fact that the family and the ‘stranger’ had heterogeneous backgrounds; we can't ignore the fact that last Ramadan’s table brought together two different generations as well. Hence why the occurrence of a few awkward moments. 

My mother in law tried to give last Ramadan’s table a nostalgic feeling close to the one we normally have back home. She brought the family together on her own. Bless her.

By the time the canon was fired and the name of god was called at dusk, the food had been placed on the table. The fasting members, then, grabbed some water and an odd number of dates to break their fast. After prayer, they all went to sit at the table and eat in the name of God.

The tradition, where I come from, says that one starts with a hot Shorba (a runny grounded wheat soup) accompanied by Bourak (spring rolls) or Kesra (an Amazigh grilled bread) to open the appetit and. After that comes the main course, which is usually a dish full of vegetables, rice or potatoes, meat, chicken or fish. Finally, some people may add some salad as a side dish or l7am la7lou (a dish that consists of cooked meat in sweet syrup with dry prunes, apricots, cinnamon and almonds)

My mother in law, though prepared everything by herself while fasting, did her best to simulate the ‘Ramadanic’ atmosphere usually present back home. When we sat at the table, we felt nostalgic and we all expressed our gratitude to God for the blessings he’s bestowed upon us. The feeling of El-Ghorba decreased.
[PS: Ghorba = feeling homesick] 

Despite differences, Ramadan Table has always managed to break the ice between people, and food has this magical and beautiful way of bringing people closer, be it friends, family/relatives, family in law or strangers. One of the simplest ways early humans expressed kindness and compassion through was by offering the best food they had to their guests. Moreover, whenever people wanted to build relationships, such as, business ones, friendship, or bonding with relatives, they would do that over a bite or a drink, indoors or out. Whenever people needed to get together around a table and enjoy something distressing at the end of a long day it is also while sharing food . Well, at least this is how I see and how I feel about it.

Furthermore, the poor children’s best moment of the day was when the mother called them for supper. It’s a moment for them to gather at their mum’s sides, in order, to enjoy her company, feel secure, quench their thirst and satisfy their little stomachs with whatever nosh laid there, decorating the table.

Ramadan table for many Muslims represents more than just a place for food hogging. It is perceived as something special and rare. For them, it is the primary factor that brings people together. An aspect that softens the hearts, amends disputes, teaches the value of food and gratefulness to God for all the blessings.

People value the cozy atmosphere, regardless of the family’s financial situation. People – from the eldest to the youngest- get together around the table. They get to spend time with each other, engaged in conversations, chilling and sharing food.

A blessed Ramadan to yous lot who do it, xoxo